Acting ClassAn aspiring starlet is always open to new things, including rehearsals over a bottle of chilled Jose Cuervo Silver.
YogaBending yourself into a “Crescent Moon” may take some practice, but it‘s worthwhile if you land a few dates. Just make sure your friends don‘t find out.
VolunteeringNothing‘s more rewarding than spending the day helping others at a soup kitchen. Find a fetching female volunteer and offer to toast your good deeds with a few shots of smooth Cuervo Silver.
Here are the pros and cons of owning a helper monkey:
PROS OF OWNING A HELPER MONKEY:
- The ultimate wingman when a lady stops by for the evening. A properly trained monkey
will dim the lights and throw on some R&B when he senses things are getting
romantic. You can even train him to work the fireplace.
- Helper monkeys make awesome margaritas.
- Time management. A helper monkey will clean your house, wash your clothing, listen
to your girlfriend and collect outstanding debts—thus giving you more time
for your own activities.
Here are a few tips for giving yourself the perfect moniker:
- Try replacing your first name with Big, Howling, or Chappie
- Don't name yourself after an animal that can be domesticated or found in a petting
zoo. Go for the noble beasts (Bear, Tiger or Catfish.)
- Keep it modern. Nicknames like Dutch and Steamtramp had there time generations ago.
- Any nickname becomes brilliant with the word "Old" before it. (Old Tex, Old Jimmy,
Old Sandwich)
1. Befriend the elderly.
The elderly bought their furniture long before plastics or hexagonal tools ever came into existence. Chances are the end table in your grandmother's pad took a craftsman several hours and appendages to make. Needless to say, it's a quality piece.
2. Garage Sale
Usually these affairs are merely a jamboree of the mundane. But amidst the faded small appliances, paperback novels and stained sheets sits a fine hand-carved sculpture of an eagle.
3. Antique Store
Proprietors of antique stores tend to be gabby folk. But smile, nod and feign interest in all they have to say and the prices on their hand-written price tags will drop like ice into a rocks glass.
Please move your island away from my yacht.
In Case of Emergency, Can I Shed this Costume?
I have no memory of this.
Ничего этого не помню.
Ya nichego etogo ne pomnyu
Call the consulate and have them reach my father.
Llame al consulado para que contacten a mi padre
I apologize, I didn't know she was with you.
Entschuldigung, ich wusste nicht, das sie mit Ihnen zusammen ist.
What country are we in?
В какой стране мы находимся?
V kakoi strane mi nahodimsya?
Attending fundraisers gives you an opportunity to mingle with the upper crust, and overwhelm them your gentlemanly charm. They hasten your quest to Live Notoriously Well by:
Allowing you to 'introduce yourself' to the daughters of railroad barons and steel moguls. Demonstrate your compassion by helping those in need.
Find a worthwhile cause and attend their grandest annual gala. Wow the jet set with tales of life on your 'starter yacht.' Watch doe-eyed daughters of tycoons gaze at you wantonly while you recall your last climb up The Matterhorn. And when the evening is through, your pockets will be bristling with phone numbers.
"Was it the Faberge egg omelets?"
"The diamond-encrusted cell phone?"
But alas, a man Living Notoriously Well is always rich in wit. And though his bank account is anemic, his mental coffers still brim with shrewd schemes.
And thus a few suggestions to help you navigate the fog of today's financial climate:
Date a cougar
Without the typical responsibilities of a woman her age, Ms. Gurrr is on the prowl. Furrow through the bobble-headed vixens grazing the bar floor and you'll find the cougar sitting alone. One gaze into her hungry eyes your fortunes have been restored.
Call in Favors
Whether it's a friend nursed back to health from a broken heart, or a dispute settled between rival diplomats, a man Living Notoriously Well should never hesitate to summon the obligations of those he's aided.
Collectibles
One man's trash is another man's treasure. There's a world of nerds out there who are willing to pay top dollar for your Sci-fi trilogy action figures.
The best way to seek an upgrade is through the ticket counter. Chances are surly customers have held the damsel behind the counter captive for the entirety of her shift. These workaday folk have imprisoned her with complaints about paying to check-in their bags, which, incidentally are packed to the brim with failure and faded cotton.
With your rakish grin and happy-go-lucky charm, initiate a conversation with the ticket agent. Once she has succumbed to your allure and breathed freedom, ask her if she can upgrade you to first class. Remind her of the leg injury you sustained while 'rescuing priceless cultural artifacts from a burning museum' and you'll be on the proper side on the plane's partition.
In Case of Emergency, Can I Shed this Costume?
Halloween costumes are made from cheap, synthetic materials that can fall apart or irritate your skin. Make sure you have a backup plan.
Is My Costume Too Obscure?
Don't pick a costume that's too bizarre. Your fellow partiers shouldn't have to think too hard about your complex 'concept' piece. You may think that going as "modern guilt" or "gas prices" are really clever important issues that need interpretation, but you'll be wandering around the whole night explaining yourself while tripping over your idea, literally.
Am I using Halloween to Publicly Project an Otherwise Embarrassing Hobby?
Are you into reading novels about make believe and magic? That's so sweet. But guess what? A 27-year-old day-trader dressed up like a wizard is really creepy.
Falcons are not only loyal pets, but they are also the inspiration for the F-16. Here are 4 other reasons Falcons are the only pets you should consider owning:
- What other animal plays fetch at 70 mph?
- There's no such thing as a toy falcon that sits in your purse.
- Falcons wear hoods, not sweaters.
- What other pet requires a safety glove called a gauntlet when handling?
1 oz. Cuervo Especial® tequila
3 oz. Cuervo Lime Margarita Mix®
½ cup crushed ice (or more)
Salt
Lime Wedge
1.5 oz. Cuervo Especial® tequila
3 oz. Cuervo Lime Margarita Mix®
2 oz. pomegranate juice
Lime wedge
Ice cubes
1 oz. Cuervo Especial® tequila
½ oz. triple sec
2 oz. cranberry juice
1 oz. orange juice
2 oz. cranberry juice
1 oz. Cuervo Especial® tequila
4 oz. Orange Juice
Splash of cranberry juice
1.5 oz. Cuervo Tradicional® tequila
1 oz. cranberry juice
1 oz. fresh squeezed lime juice
½ oz. simple syrup
Splash of Ginger ale
1.5 oz. Cuervo Tradicional® tequila
3 oz. prickly pear syrup
½ cup crushed ice (or more)
Sugar
1 oz. Cuervo Black Medallion® tequila
½ oz. triple sec
1 oz. orange juice
1 oz. fresh squeezed lime juice
1 oz. Cuervo Black Medallion® tequila
3 oz. cola
Ice
1.5 oz. Cuervo Black Medallion® tequila
3 oz energy drink
Ice & lime wedge
1 oz Cuervo Platino® tequila
¼ oz Vermouth
Olive Juice
1.5 oz Cuervo Platino® tequila
1.5 oz Fresh lime juice
1 oz simple syrup
1.5 oz of Cuervo Platino® tequila
1 oz of simple syrup
¾ of fresh lime juice
Splash of triple sec
1 oz of watermelon puree (muddle watermelon and mix with simple syrup)
Stirrings Watermelon Rimmer® Garnish
1 oz. Jose Cuervo Tradicional® Tequila
½ oz. Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice
½ oz. Grand Marnier® Liqueur
½ Cup Ice (or more)
Sugar to Taste
Salt and a Lime Wedge
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